Alexandra Grace Estrada

Alexandra Grace Estrada. My best friend. Over the years we have shared many things, one of which is our middle name. We've has some pretty epic times together and are at the point where silence is never awkward, we consider each other's family our own, and we can read the other's thoughts. But actually. I will start to explain something after a silence and she would have literally been about to ask that. I don't know what I would do without this girl. No one else will drop everything to go on some crazy adventure with me. She is the one I confide the most in. She alone truly understands what I mean, say and feel without my having to explain anything.

 

reads: Alexandra the great. (we used rocks from the creek to write that.

 

I don't know what keeps us together. Sometimes I start to wonder what we still have in common if we have talked about everything there is. I am amazed at how we can spend 80 minutes on the phone without actually talking about anything. I don't know what pulls us together, but I do know it was meant to be and it's not going away any time soon. Not everyone is able to find a friend who can understand you better than you can understand yourself, and Alex is that friend. I want to capture her essence in this post, but as that is nearly impossible, I shall post some pictures instead. I would have more, but funnily enough she hasn't sent me the others on her phone. SO below, are some of the weird things we do, and adventures we have.

 

There is no explanation. There is just Alex.

I call this one dork and duck

and this one duck and dork.

 

 

Can you see her trying to fly?

We are in Calabazas creek when it was dried out. We found a tunnel and decided to explore.

Now I don't remember the context of these Snapchats, but I do know that her faces were funny so I saved them.

 

 

Alex was in Boston trying to figure out which dress to buy.

But I really kept these for her silly faces.

See?

The things we send to each other

I don't even know. But it's adorable.

Apparently she took this without my knowing about it. But Abby knew and didn't tell me.

I got her this mug from North Carolina

We even send old fashioned messages to each other!

Alex somehow tipped the cookie tray when taking it out...



...and all the cookies fell out.

Her family is even fantastic. I love both of her siblings. It's also really cool because I'm the youngest and she is the oldest and by going over to her house, it's almost as if I have little siblings there.

This is her brother Ben, apparently flaring his nostrils.

Alex fell down. Don't know why.

These are the kinds of conversations we have over text.

I am holding you to this my dear.

Now, when Alex went off to CSSSA, I started writing her letters. And while not all of them are shown, These are some of the best. I continued writing these letters when she went off to Emerson College.

 

 

 

This is where Alex put all my letters. It became a collection on her wall at school. I plan on making ever more next year, and aim to cover an entire wall before she graduates. I have three more years to do that. I will need more crayons.

Us, just messing around, per usual

Alex taking pictures of me whilst on railroad tracks 50 feet in the air.

She made me laugh so hard. And caught it on camera.

 

We found this on the creek bed and sort of adopted this rock.

I like that this is the last picture because it shows that our friendship is as solid as a rock. See what I did there? I made up a deep metaphor on the spot to justify my use of my rock in this post. But it still stands. Alex is the one I will always choose for my adventures. She can always make me feel better, and make me laugh. Even though, in certain aspects, we are polar opposites, we never have gotten along better. I cannot remember a single instance in which we had a fight.

 

Alex is the person I go to for everything. I got to her when I get super excited, nervous, worried, sad or furious. She understands what I mean without complicated explanations and grounds me from falling too far into anger or sadness. So here's to the girl who always understands me. Here's to the friendship that neither of us remember how or when it started, making it timeless. Here's to the future and may it be as bright and bubbly as our past. May you always be there when I need you and may I be as good a friend to you as you have been to me all these years. I honestly don't know what I would have done without you, my dear. I would not be the same person I am today had I not met you all those many years ago! Here's to you.

 

Favorite Book

    I feel like my favorite book fluctuates depending on the day or mood I’m in or the time of year. Like currently, I am rather fond of Ender’s Game and The Pact (Picoult). It may be simply because I have read them most recently, but these two books both have great concepts in them and are thought provoking. One of my absolute favorite parts of Ender’s Game is when he realizes that in order to defeat your enemy, you have to truly understand them. And in that moment you truly understand them, you also love them but by that point, they are defeated. I find this to be perfectly true. If you truly take the time to understand exactly why your enemy act the way they do, you understand their psychology and connect on an emotional level. That is when you love them as Ender says. When I find thoughts like this hidden within the literature, things that not everyone will remember, I carry it with me. I bet in 10 years, if you mention Ender’s Game that realization about the human culture that Ender made, no one will remember. They will think of the games and the Bugger War that he won, but not of the deep wound he made when he obliterated the ones he loved/ his enemies.

    The Pact is a very clever book about the trial of a young boy accused of killing his girlfriend, but claims it was a suicide pact gone wrong. There is so much emotion and psychology in this book, and I think that is why I relate. Slowly, the reader becomes aware of the state of mind of the young girl that was killed and understand why she had to kill herself. It shows us the strength that no one else saw in her and the reality of the world, and what some people have to face. I am finding I am not the biggest fan of the generic fantasy book where things are all magical and it’s an excuse for the author to take shortcuts.

    John Green is also one of my favorite authors right now. I have read all of his books and enjoyed them all. The Fault in Our Stars, or TFIOS, is one of his most famous books. I loved it. I don’t even know how to explain why I loved it, but I feel like it was the realizations made by the characters about life. Such like “some infinities are bigger than other infinities”. I also enjoy his very real characters.

    Lastly, but certainly not least, Harry Potter. I think I have reread that entire series more than I have ever read one single book. That’s 7 books some well over 800 pages read. Over. And ver. And over again. It is my comfort books and I feel like that deserves an honorable mention at least. The stories are what I grew up with and every time I read them, I find more complexities that JK Rowling weaved into the story. My admiration for that woman grows every time I reread them. The characters are all so well thought out, even if they are a minor character. My favorite character has to be Snape. There are so many intricacies to his story and just now, over a decade after it has come out, people are starting to pay him more attention. I truly understand his psychology, and it’s so conflicted just like as if he were real. Even with the explanations, people argue for both sides, because which side he was truly loyal to was shrouded in mystery. People are able to guess and decide for themselves.

    I think overall, the books that entice me are the ones that have interesting concepts or thoughts that I haven't heard of before. The concepts that think outside of the box are the ones that interest me. Books always are changing. And I am positive my favorites will change in the future, but these are the ones that I will remember in the years to come.

Reflection: Letter

Dear little person (Age of Ultron reference),

    High school. I’m not exactly sure what to say about it. It can be one of the worst things you’ll go through, or one of the best. I think it really has to do with your perception of things. High school is what you make of it. Actually, that’s pretty much true for life too. If you go in with a bad attitude and are expecting to hate every minute of it, that’s likely what will happen. However, if you keep an open mind and don’t let the pessimists get you down, it might surprise you. I know that sounds hella cliche but you’ve got to trust me on this one. Four years seems like forever when you’re a freshman, but by the time you are a senior, you start to wonder where the time went. I promise, that no matter how hard it may seem at the time, you will get through it and survive.

    Now, I don’t know what your high school is like partially because when I’m writing this, I am 18, and honestly, who knows where they will be in 20 years? Nobody. But I can tell you this. My high school was a bit of an oddity. I went to Lynbrook High School in the Silicon Valley. The center for technology. The Silicon Valley has its own culture and kind of lives in a bubble. My school was less than 15% white. I grew up as the minority race, believe it or not. The Asian culture that surrounded me could be very intense at times. Everyone forewent the learning process in order to get the grades they wanted. College was the endgame, and you didn’t win unless you got into the top schools. The “Asian grading scale” was commonly used. A=Average, B=Bad, C=Catastrophe, D=Disowned, and F=Forever Forgotten. I know that may seem a little intense but that’s honestly how people thought. I watched for years as people would freak out or even, in some cases, burst into tears when they got a B. However, by Senior year more and more people figured out that it’s not the grade that mattered. It’s who you are.

    Colleges want to know who you are as a person, so I encourage you to use high school as a tool to find what you really want to do. This is the time to find your passion and discover what you love. Then, come Senior year, you will have some idea as to which college you want to apply to. Now, I sincerely hope that your high school is nothing like mine. But that said, I don’t know what a “normal” high school is like.

    Don’t feel like you have to join the popular kids whoever they may be. You want to find friends who accept you for who you are. If you don’t you will end up pretending to be someone you are not and it can be exhausting. I embraced my quirks and how weird I could be, and found friends who were just as crazy as I was. These are the people I will remember in 15 or so years because these are the people I really connected with.

    And when you come across the times when you think you can’t handle school anymore, ice cream is always the answer. It will always help. I also recommend you read the poem B (If I should have a daughter) because even if it may not apply to you, it has some pretty good life advice. Chocolate and ice cream. I can’t believe I forgot chocolate for a bit.

    Hope this helps you on your four year endeavor.

    Your mother (SO WEIRD to be thinking of myself as a mom at 18. so I think I’ll just sign my name instead.) Susie Mallison.

P.S. I know these shows are probably hella old now, but I HIGHLY recommend that you watch/ binge-watch: Flash, Daredevil, Marvel agents of SHIELD, How I Met Your Mother, Big Bang Theory, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Scorpion, House, White Collar, Once Upon a Time and many others. OH but do not get me started on movie recommendations. I could go on forever. Just ask me. I probably have them all somewhere.

Reflection: Typical day

No one can say that any one day is typical. Different seasons call for different activities with different people. Since I cannot define what constitutes as a typical day for me, I will simply talk about what I did yesterday, May 12, 2015

Yesterday, I woke up and went to Peet’s. I need my caffeine in form of coffee, or a mocha, in the morning. Somehow the system didn’t take my order but when Evan (manager) saw me he started making my mocha ASAP. He also gave me a free drink card so like a gazillion win points I think. Then I went to school. First period Government with Pugh. I took a test I had missed and we finished our mock congress. Second period AP Spanish with Esquivel. We had a free period because everyone was out for AP testing. So I watched House with Angela. Tutorial. I forgot about it, but decided to go to Bale/ Wen because all my friends were testing, and no one would be in his classroom (AP Government test that day). I pretty much talked to them both for all of tutorial. It was fun. Third period, AP Calculus AB with Kraemer. we just worked on FRQs in our table groups. Brunch. I talked with Makenzie, Rebecca and Shashank for a bit. Fourth period Euro Lit with Ene, this class. We took a quiz on Black Swan Green and then worked on this project for a bit. Fifth Period AP Biology. We finished watching the movie Outbreak. Spoiler Alert. They live.

Now normally I have a lot more work in classes but since it’s after AP testing for all my AP classes, and I’ve taken the final for Biology, there isn’t much to do. I feel like the teachers understand that us seniors are so very much done with school and would much rather just not be here. So classwork and homework have both lightened up. After school I went home and drank the Jamba Juice my sister got for me the day before. I changed into clothes for Powderpuff and then started reading Black Swan Green, chapter 4, my only homework. When it was time to go, (1:45) I picked up Amy and then we went to powderpuff practice.

We were early, as usual, but still ready. Only about 11ish people showed up, not including coaches. We worked on plays and offense as well as defense. We also decided we wanted to get armbands so we can know the plays more easily. So Rohan put Rebecca and I in charge of that. So we decided to head to Michael’s after practice to see what we could use. We wandered the store a couple times, trying to come up with ideas. Then, funnily enough, we ran into Ryan once we finally found the Velcro. He told us we could just ask the coach to use the actual armbands from the football team. So we stopped looking, but we had gathered stuff we were going to buy anyways. We got a fake flower for Rebecca’s corsage so it wouldn’t die. She also wanted Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Duck tape that I found for her. We also decided to get bags and tissue paper to make gifts for the coaches to thank them. We got the most pink and girly ones we could find. The pink bag also had butterflies. And I got a Captain America Pez dispenser. Because why not.

I then dropped Rebecca back off at school and called Alex from the car. We were going to hang out. The time at this point was about 5 ish. Practice ended at about 4? Anyways. I stopped at Alex’s and then went in and ate an ice cream cookie sandwich thing. Then we drove back to my house and no one was home yet. I made her help me a little with my lit final project, like coming up with Top Tens and such. Then we ate dinner there, which was pork and potatoes. But by the end of dinner, I had had enough of my family so we hid in the playroom and watched How I Met Your Mother.

Let me explain the family thing a bit. Laurie has been driving me absolutely insane for months and so she does stuff like eavesdrop on Alex and my conversations and then jumps in and demands that I explain. She only heard half of what we were saying and just assumes she knows what we are talking about. But when I tried to call her out on it, she started to lecture me about how she wasn’t eavesdropping; she had only “overheard from the next room”. The definition is “to listen secretly to what other people are doing” and I didn’t know she was listening. She was eavesdropping. I hate how she cannot possibly admit how she might be doing something wrong. Nothing can possibly be contrary to how she says it is. Also, my dad decided that once I got up from dinner and went back to the kitchen with Alex, I had to drop everything I was doing to go test the pool even though I was still working on my final project and he was just sitting there.

    So we hid out in the playroom and watched hours of How I Met Your Mother. At around 11 something we stopped. Then we put stickers on my laptop and THEN she went home and we went to bed. End day.

    So this “typical day” had both good parts and bad parts. I enjoyed the good parts and tried to not remember the bad ones. That is how I can look at all my days as happy. Though sometimes if there are just so many bad parts in the day, it completely overwhelms the good, I can call those bad days. I don’t have many of them though.

Reflection: Fears

My greatest fear for after high school is possibly not going anywhere with my life, or career. I would be a little scared, like anyone naturally will be, entering the workforce after i finish with school. Everyone is always a little apprehensive leaving college and starting the real world. I envision it like they do on the movie screens and television shows, but i know it won’t be like that. I worry i won’t be smart enough to do what I want to do, and that I don’t belong where I think I’m going...

But in reality, my greatest fear, is not something that applies to after high school, but rather is a fear I hold today. I am terrified of not being strong enough. Ever since I was diagnosed with arthritis, I have been permanently set back by my disability. And I’m not playing the pity card, or even saying I can’t handle the disease, but merely telling the truth. Arthritis sets me back. I have to work ten times harder to do something any normal person can do without thinking. I am always thinking about it, I can’t afford not to. All I want is to be perceived as a normal girl. But the reality of it all is that I can never be and will never be a normal girl. I have to force myself to be stronger, everyday. Both emotionally and physically. The idea behind physical therapy for years was that if I could strengthen my muscles in my wrists, hands and ankles, then the pain might not be as great. However, even though now, I have more muscles than most girls my age, I still feel the pain. But I ignore it the best I can, because as soon as I stop doing that, I get labeled as different. The girl who can’t run. The girl who has an excuse. The girl who is weak. The girl everyone should pity. But I don’t want pity, in fact, being perceived as weak terrifies me. I go above and beyond to prove people wrong when they say I can’t do something. I try my best not to break down and cry when the realities of the world come crashing in on my like the recurring waves. I am not allowed to cry because my life sucks, for it shows that I am not strong enough to deal with what life has dealt me. So I don’t cry, because I am strong enough.

One of my recurring nightmares that always wakes me in a panic is when I play soccer. This was more prevalent of a dream when I actually played soccer, but still it haunts me to this day. I’ll be playing, and i get the ball. All I have to do is kick it upfield, but no matter how hard I kick, no matter what strength I muster to put behind the ball, the ball never moves more than a few feet. Sometimes it doesn’t even move at all, because some inexplicable force will not let me. In that moment I realize I am too weak to kick the ball, something that anyone can normally do. I can kick it normally many dozen feet. Probably 40-50 yards on a good kick. In my dream, I can hardly move. That is what terrifies me the most, that the reality is always haunting me and will never leave me.

I’m scared that one day the crashing waves that i’ve been holding back and fending off for so long, will overtake me in a tidal wave; a wave so big I can do nothing but drown in it and sink to the floor of the ocean until I’ve hit rock bottom. That is my greatest fear. Sure, I may be exceptionally strong, emotionally more so than physically, but no amount of strength in the world can hold back the waves forever. The strength of nature is stronger than that of man, and I must face my inevitable fate one day. That is what terrifies me. I have seen how weak this disease can make you, and I have seen the two types of pain it causes. I have felt it all first hand. I do not want to relive it. No one would like to relive their worst nightmare but what sucks is I don’t have a choice. Juvenile arthritis can be compared to a math equation. y=-x^2. Now, if you don’t know the shape off the top of your head, that is the equation for an upside down parabola. At first, life sucks, because the disease is new and rages through you body. Your body has no idea how to fight this, and begins to feel the pain of your body waging war on itself. It no longer fights for you alone. Slowly, the medicine, which are experts in this war, help your soldiers, still on your side, hold back the others from hurting you even more. You get better. The pain eases up. You can walk normally again. And even more slowly, the medicines leave, having taught your body some of the skills they use to fight this war. It becomes manageable on your own. The doctors call this remission. But I don’t even know if I qualify, because I still feel the pain. After a while, you know you have to go down the other side of that parabola and face the uglier side once more. It could be in a year, five, twenty, or even fifty years, but I know it is coming.

TImeline: Senior Year

FINALLY AFTEER ALL THESE YEARS SENIOR YEAR HAS ARRIVED. I am so excited to be a Senior and be finishing the final chapter of high school. This is the last piece in my four year timeline and this is also the reason I am doing this. Ms. Ene thought it would be a good idea for us to document all of what we have done and how we thought during high school so we might be able to look back at it in the years to come. This was the year of many changes. Some good, some alright. But first, before we dive into Senior year, we have to start with the summer.

We went back to North Carolina once again! This time, however, my Grandma has cancer and only one lung. We wanted to make sure we got to spend time with her before she died. We also wanted to take her to the beach because she loves it there. So we went to Virginia and North Carolina and then following, Washington DC.

The sun blinded me in the mornings.

Sitting on the beach is my fave

My hair is hella curly in the humidity

Sunrise.

Sunrise

A fun lighthouse with a lot of stairs.



The ton of stairs.



View from said lighthouse.

It got stormy when we were there.

I met this one in the bookstore

Grandma's house

She had no idea I took a picture.

Favorite bones in the museum

Washington Monument

Jefferson Memorial



Look at the intense sky from the plane!

In the summer, I also had to get my wisdom teeth out. My face puffed up hella. There were also complications with the surgery and I needed to get cut open again. The worst part of the surgery was getting numbed up and hearing the teeth crack. It was very loud and disturbing. However, unfortunately, for you at least, luckily for me, there is absolutely no photographic evidence of those couple weeks. NO PICTURES OF ME WITH MY FACE ALL PUFFY. I WIN. NO BLACKMAIL MATERIAL HERE. See, I planned this out in case a situation like this should arise!!

 

Cat + Elephant = Cute Overload

cuddles

First rally as a SENIOR. #fierce

I feel like on every year so far, there has been a Big Sir part. Not to disappoint, there is yet ANOTHER bunch of pictures from Big Sir! (assuming you aren't sick of them)

 



Bixby Bridge

LOOK I FOUND THE SIBLINGS.

We hiked behind Bixby and got this shot.



I swear the colors were this bright in real life. This was part of our new beach we discovered and there was a cool sand drop off that is shown here.

 

Our LAST homecoming theme was Music through time. I actually went to a decent amount of the meetings during the school year and had a lot of fun helping out with making all the decs and running to office max for duct tape a million times.

 

 

Freshman: Pirates



Sophomores: Medieval Japan



Juniors: Ancient Greece

It should say 2015 in roman numerals

I MADE THIS WITH PATRICK!!

Also helped make this. It blinded when in sun



I painted this...

...and this...

....and this....

...and this too!

Claire won HC Queen and she wanted a picture with me

My name up here made me SO EXCITED. I feel so special. (I did donate money to them)

I feel like I forgot to mention, Alex is now in college (Emerson in Boston) and I have decided to write her more letters like the ones I sent her during CSSSA. But while she has been gone, I became close friends with Sahil, and as Alex puts it, "someone had to be best friends with my best friend while I was gone".

 

I found Christmas!!

My dad's flannel is the comfiest

LENINade, the beverage of communists!

My idea with the pretty lights.

Best cozy day ever!



My sisters are VERY weird.

Little ball of fur!

Our Econ crew. Posten on the fashion instagram we created for Mr. Wen

Once again, I went to Walden West to be a cabin leader. It was, once again, unforgettable. Earthworm was in my trail group and actually works there now. I'm excited to go back next year.

 

my cabin leaders!!



Ice and Me (Sky)

Our cabins!

Sunshine/ Sunrise and me

Sunrise, Ducky and Earthworm



Okay. Earthworm and I are tired. It's past midnight and being a cabin leader is a 24/7 job.

Because I am a child....

Have I told you how many mugs I have?

Yes, I did in fact buy Captain America plush figures.

 

Here is where we took a trip to Colorado School of Mines. SPOILER ALERT! I end up choosing to go to Mines. But we can pretend we don't know that yet and just look at the pictures and fall in love until even you want to go to Mines!

 

It started to snow, and I spazzed.

New Pizza place!



LOOK AT HOW MUCH SNOW THERE IS

New coffee shop! Higher Grounds! PUNS

...and I chose the road less travelled on....

SNOOOOOOW

Yes, my school is THAT nerdy



I feel very welcomed into my new home!

OFFICIALLY going to Mines!!!

I also was asked to dog-sit for Laurie's friend's mom's dog. This dog also just so happens to be the father of the Budweiser puppy that was in the Superbowl this year!! 

 

This is Maximus.

Look at how adorable and playful he is!!

 

The dress that broke the internet. At first I saw white and gold, but now I see blue and black.

PI DAY, the REAL pi day was this year because it was 3/14/15 and so I threw a party with Alex. Basically, we ate pie at that time.

My dad and I went to see Marvel Universe Live! at the SAP Center. It was a lot of fun, and there were a bunch of stunts. We were up pretty close and I had a lot of fun at the Marvel fest.

 

#catselfies

I took care of Alex's dog while they were away

Melly's new kitten, Daisy.

More #catselfies

You think she'd be sick of this by now

Sneha, Sonia and I went to see the double feature of Avengers!

The EPIC poster they gave us for going.

Now, As well as dog sitting for Maximus, I also sit for their other dog, Missy. She is the Budweiser puppy's half sister, and Maximus' daughter.

 

We also went to Capitola for mother's day.

Train tracks about 50 feet in the air

View from said tracks

Coffee from Verve. AMAZING

Because I'm a movie junkie. 2 Avengers, Cinderella and Furious 7

PROM. Senior prom, on the boat in San Francisco Bay. It was a lot of fun and I mostly hung out with Makenzie and Rebecca and all our dates.

The bay after dark.

Anjali and me



Claire and me.

Cause no prom would be complete without this.

We didn't plan the primary color scheme. But still perfect.

Found the camera!

Makenzie and me



Cause we are all derpy.



I feel like this is us in a nutshell.

And finally, as this year draws to a close, it would not be complete without all of my friends who have made each and every one of these moments so special.

 

Meera's birthday cupcakes

We tried to fix the hair before the picture was taken.



JAKES CREW.



We fixed the hair!

Rebecca, Makenzie and I drew Mr. Williams some pictures!

During this year, I finished all 7 seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I also helped with sound for the Music Man Jr. at Meyerholz.It was sad because it was my last year. Though this year I did meet my future roommate, Evelyn, and discover all these cool facts about Mines.

Alex's little sibling and me!

 

This is a close representation of my face now that I am done with the timeline! Anyways, as this year draws to a close, so do the memories. This year will turn into the memory of high school, documented here to view in the later years. I have changed so much over the years (just look at all the selfies. So weird) but still it's all been growing toward who I am and supposed to be.